“Swine Barricade Project”: The Key to Peace in the Middle East

Posted on June 8, 2011

0


Israel Vs Palestine.
A classic encounter and a never-ending war.
Sounds grim.
That’s because it is… 

The issues are deep and troubling, so complicated and intricate with so many warring factions that peace seems impossible.

WELL SCREW THAT.

Lets talks in layman’s terms shall we? How do children become friends? They find a common ground, be that football, the killing of small animals or the fact that the have the same fictional deity.

Israel and Palestine are two very naughty kids.

For the sake of this example, The Middle East, is now a nursery…

Israel is the big, fat Jewish kid, he won’t share his toys, his father has recently been sacked and the family are hurting. It is a real shame.

"Wanna mess you shlemiel?"

Palestine is the weedy kid, Israel beat him up and then stole his toys, his parents can’t afford to buy him more.

"Israel stole my toys Mama"

Israel claims the toy is his, who am I to dispute?

Anyway to for kids to become friends there has to be a common ground.

What do both Islam and Judaism both have in common?

Well here is an extract from the Holy Qur’ an, praise almighty Allah by the way.

” Forbidden to you for (food) are: dead meat,
blood and the flesh of the swine and that
which hath been invoked the name other than
Allah.”

I.E, DON’T EAT PIGS, DON’T TOUCH PIGS, PIGS ARE A BIG NO NO.

Now the Torah says a similar thing, also I would like to say, praise be to YHWH (it’s the Jewish God’s name, check Wikipedia like everyone else).

Here is a little bit from the Torah, enjoy.

“And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud,
it [is] unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh,
nor touch their dead carcase”.

I.E, DON’T EAT PIGS, DON’T TOUCH PIGS, PIGS ARE A BIG NO NO.

So there you go, it all comes down to pigs, both Islam and their Jewish friends dislike pigs, well I don’t know about you but the old phrase “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” comes to mind. Mutual hatred of a douche is one of the best reasons to befriend someone.

Both parties should bond over their hatred of the swine, failing that the pig can be weaponised by those of us who are no longer amused by lil’ kids squabbling. Shake in fear at my Super Bacannon. I joke, I joke. My weapon would be a highly lethal and contagious version of swine flu…

Filthy, filthy piggy, I won't eat you.


The Pig is untouchable, both Muslim and Jew alike should fear it, because pigs are super intelligent and there are literally billions of them, there are 2 billion live pigs on the Earth at any one time, scary.

So Middle East if you don’t sort out your problems, I WILL.

Pick your borders and pick ’em well otherwise I will be picking them.

In order to make sure there borders remain in place long after I am gone, I will utilise “Swine Barricade Project”.

Brave and Courageous Pigs shall die, then be piled upon each other until they tower into the sky to produce a wall that stumps even the smartest, most devoted zealot/bigot.

And the beauty is, the more religious the border trespasser is, the more reluctant they will be to touch the wall never mind climb over it.

Once pigs have ensured Middle Eastern peace generations of youngsters will grow up learning to love pigs, they will thank them for the status quo.

Pucker up Piggie

At the end of the day if you can love a filthy pig,  you can love a filthy Jew or Muslim…

Learn to play nice folks.

Don’t get offended peeps, this article was a joke, I am an athiest and I think religion can cause people to do silly things, *cough*, “mass murder, genocide, Daniel O’Donnell”. I have very little knowledge of even my own religion so chill if I get a few things wrong, if you are a Jew or a Muslim and you do happen to get offended, I apoligise… I don’t mean to sound like a pigot… emmm bigot it’s just I am really, really stupid…

NOW GET OF MY BLOG BEFORE I SET THE PIGS ON YOU! 

Advertisements