Greece is the Turd

Posted on June 24, 2011


Pythagoras, Heraclitus, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle.

All were great men who flourished in arguably the greatest, most enlightened empire the world has seen.

Philip out of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air?

Greece as a nation is in a hole, a deep hole, or is it up a creek without a paddle? Use whatever analogies you want, the Greek population will be eating Aldi discount beans… cold for the foreseeable future.

Where are such great men now though, surely they don’t like their beans cold?

Beans: Worse than starvation.

The Greeks have been in similar positions before, be it Persian rampages, Roman pillages or Ottoman uproar, blood has been spilt, however, now it seems they have spilled their change-burdened paper cups down the drain, and things have rarely appeared worse.

Financially bankrupt and in serious debt to European nations, most notably Germany, Greece may find solace in the fact it can renounce the Euro and return to the Drachma like a destitute, prodigal son with a gambling debt and a multitude of missing teeth. They have already received a £98 billion rescue package, they are requesting a similar amount again… If history has taught us anything it is, don’t fuck with Germany. If the future has any lessons in store for us it will no doubt sound like, don’t fuck with Germany.


Need I say anymore?

£98 billion is an unthinkable amount of money, to put it into perspective Microsoft is valued at around £14,021,905,950… roughly. (Very roughly).

Now think of all the Microsoft computers in the world, Xbox 360 and all of the other products they sell on a daily basis, they amass only a £14,021,905,950 net worth.

Seeing as they have dominated the operating system market for over a decade, what does it take to have a company worth £98,000,000,000?

Greece are requesting another £98,000,000,000ish on top of the £98,000,000,000 they have already received from the EU. The sheer cheek of the request, it is pretty ballsy, it is pretty Greek.

This money certainly is not chicken feed, the contrary is true, it is a world changing quantity of capital.

And to entrust it to PASOK, the socialist party supposedly running Greece would be madness. Everyone loves a socialist, but what you’re wanting during a make-or-break, financial crisis is a tight-fisted, cold-hearted conservative bastard government, the type of folk who would refuse Oliver more food, no matter how many times he says: “Please sir, can I have some more?”.

"Please sir, can I have another £98 billion?"

What are the Greek people to do? Mass emigration? A Greek Highland clearance.

It is an amusing thought that in the next few decades Greek-themed bars may be opening all around the world by displaced Greeks, much like the Irish done generations ago.

My solution for this problem would be to provide the Greeks with armour and spears them send them on a conquest to Libya to carve a new nation in peace and prosperity.

Come and claim your £98 million.

A new period of enlightenment approaches and the Greeks are kickin’ it old school… dining on baked beans and the souls of the fallen.