(Skin)T in the Park

Posted on July 6, 2011

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As I prepare for T in the park festival in Kinross I realise several things:

(1) People will know this is my first music festival, they can smell the festivity virginity from a mile away.

(2) I will have little wonga left: Titp costs a multitude of cash. (More than you expect). Poverty and for what? All to live in a tent in a muddy field while drinking liquor from a flask.

(3) There will be enough rain to drown an amphibian.

(4) The Wellington boot companies must make a killing. Organisers in the event may have a stake in such companies.

(5) Food and nutrition seem to be at the back of everyone’s mind.

(6) There will be picture-takers, I will no doubt look my worst for them, most likely resembling a disfigured tramp wearing a Shrek mask.

(7) Drinking copious amounts of alcohol and eating disproportionate quantities of food en mass results in a drunken bar brawl, (this time resembling mud wrestling with live music).

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(8) People seem to ritualise the whole routine in an almost zealous way, never laugh at the pitiful things they say or do.

(9) I have had ten separate people tell me to, and I quote, “watch yer back!”

(10) The absence of decent toilets does little to pacify my apprehension. My bowel movements will be meticulously awkward for five days or so.

(11) I HATE crowds, well not crowds, more like individual people, especially when highly concentrated in the one area, in…like…a…crowd.

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Yikes

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(12) I just know I will either stick to my “bands to see” timetable with a fascist’s precision or I will get wasted and watch the Saturdays.

(13) In 2008, Amy Winehouse played at T, it’s ironic that this is probably the only time the crowd have been more wasted than her. She was the responsible adult, or the designated driver back in those days.

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(14) I was scared that this festival would change me, then I realised I am a despicable human being and things cannot not degrade further, so no matter what, I will be a better person.

(15) Weather forecast @Kinross:

Wednesday: Heavy rain
Thursday: Light rain showers
Friday: Heavy rain
Saturday: Thundery showers
Sunday: Light rain

It’s going to get wet. Very wet. Extreme precipitation.

(16) Who I would love to see, but will probably miss most off:

Friday: Arctic Monkeys, Plan B, Pendulum, Tom Jones.
Saturday: Coldplay, Primal Scream, Slash, Manic Street Preachers, the Strokes, Ocean Colour Scene.
Sunday: Foo Fighters, Pulp, Blondie, KT Tunstall

(17) When I return.

IF I return, I will post a survival guide.

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Posted in: Opinion