Harry Potter and the… Vast Emptyness

Posted on July 22, 2011

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I went to see it

I said I wouldn’t but alas, I did.

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I lied to myself, I lied to everyone, I would have even lied to Voldemort had he the fervor to return my phone calls.
I was invited to the film dozens of times, and each occasion I respectfully declined.

No thanks.

I am busy.”

I wasn’t busy. I was reluctant to see the series I grew up with end. I agree this is fickle behavior and I thought myself above it. Nonetheless it is true.

What if the damn movie sucked? all those hours I invested reading, listening to and watching J.K. Rowling’s absurd fable would have been wasted.

I still can’t believe I have heard my last: “‘arry Potta”.

No longer will I be able to call ginger families the Weasleys.
No longer will I be able to call every owl I see Hedwig.
No longer will I be unsure whether or not Emma Watson is too young to desire intercourse with.

Change: I don’t like it.

The film itself was immensely enjoyable, only I was slightly perturbed by the fact that so many people died. J.K. yes, adults adore the story but it is a CHILDRENS book. You may argue that the kiddies that originally read it, have grew up but it’s bloody ‘arry Potta. Kiddies will be reading it until nuclear war sterilizes the planet.

I will concede, it was rather epic. Although the introduction of these “deathly hallows”, which were unmentioned until the last book, spooked me. As if there weren’t enough problems for Harry, now he has to go on a treasure hunt for magical loot.

And may I say, if you are going to cast Ralph Fiennes in a blockbuster film, make sure you don’t make him make him look like a man with a condom, tightly stretched across his face. He is a handsome lad, he should be James Bond, (watch the Constant Gardener, you will be on my side afterwards). Voldemort, for all his might and power was an ugly fellow. To his credit, he never wore a toupee or wore any make up.

.

Because you're worth it

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Where was I?

Oh yes, I enjoyed the film except the Medusa of all scenes… the epilogue. The scene apparently set “19 years later” in which the films protagonists see their kiddies (all aptly named after a whole host of characters who died earlier on) onto the Hogwarts Express. The circle of life. Blah Blah Blah. Knowing this scene was going to make an appearance may have been the reason I avoided the film.

The thing is, not only is the scene cringe-worthy and daft, the gang have hardly aged.

All, except Malfoy who looks like a Nazi scientist…

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Overall the series seized the world’s attention and had us laughing and crying every step of the way. I loved it, I grew up with it and I will miss it. Let’s hope something fills the void soon.

FILM SCORE

FOUR AND A HALF DEAD DOBBYS OUT OF FIVE

Farewell ‘arry

You have taught me much.

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Posted in: Humorous, Review