(Rotten) Apple Store

Posted on July 22, 2011


Terror attacks in Oslo, drought in Ethiopia and civil war in Libya.
Too many hardships befall too many people.
Let’s blame capitalism. 

Life is like a box of chocolates… bought and sold on a whim and “eaten” for amusement.

But it gets worse, as more and more tragedies befall our fellow comrades, we become more apathetic, bad things become normal things, and our stress threshold rises, to cracking point.

What if we fail to notice the collapse of decent morals, Darwinism will rule, we will literally kill for our breakfast. society will fracture. ALL WILL DIE!

Obviously, this anomaly will only occur after certain conditions have been fulfilled.

1. We enjoy causing pain to others.
2. The four horsemen appear bearing fire and famine.
3. Fake Apple stores operate off the grid successfully in China…

Holy shit

In Kunming, China, at least three fake “Apple stores” had been operating successfully for months.

How the shop came across the “cutting edge” goods would confuse even the grittiest detective.
How the shop owners managed to replicate an apple shop down to the tiniest detail and convince the shop workers they worked for Apple is a testimony to either how crafty the owners are, or how gullible the Chinese are.


It all looks legit, this is a large-scale operation


We all know how ruthless Apple are. They pioneered the MP3 player that forces you to sync your device from one single PC. In other words, “you can’t have that because you haven’t bought it“.

What type of feudal attitude is that to have? 😉 (<— second ever smilie)

“Dude, where’s the laissez-faire ?” 

A shop employee said…  in Chinese: “It doesn’t make much of a difference for us whether we’re authorised or not,” he said. “I just care that what I sell every day are authentic Apple products, and that our customers don’t come back to me to complain about the quality of the products.”

However many customers did not receive receipts for their stolen or counter-fit goods.


Free chopsticks with every purchase


If I left a shop after spending a paddy-field of yuans (chinese currency sheeesh), I would make sure they tattooed the receipt on my skull. Everyone knows Apple merchandise is shoddy, shiny and surpassed by the “next model” two weeks later.

And why the hell would the Chinese even save and scrimp for an iphone, everything from Google to the news is censored. Even children’s TV is censored… maybe. I dunno. I am too busy fearing or laughing at the Chinese people’s synchronized work-ethic to learn anything useful about their rich and interesting culture.

Should I apply the North Korea, censorship stereotype to the slightly better behaved China… ?

Who would notice? Who would care? Just switch Kim Jong Il’s name for the Chinese premier, badda bing badda boom, and you have a joke.

China’s only website is:
This is a good example of what I could do.

NO, I am above that. If I open that floodgate there is a danger I water down  this high-class article with “more chins than a chinese phone book jokes”.

The Apple shop is almost flawless.


Apple Stoer: Their English is better than my Chinese I guess


If the shoddy spelling, rickety props and untrained staff didn’t put me off buying Apple products then I am sure the actual products themselves would do the job.

In fact if the Ipods are cheaper and the staff friendlier then I may consider popping into my local “Apple Stoer” for a browse…

China’s relaxed attitude to international law amuses me. But at the end of the day a large percentage of things, real or fake are made in China. They run the show… for now.

Are we really surprised they manufactured a fake shop to sell, legitimate but stolen goods?

Corporations run the world and the world appears to be ending in spectacular fashion, therefore the lazy yet universally acknowledged defense is to blame the corporations.

Apple (not exactly Deathcorp) would main you, skin you and still have the tenacity to sell you the latest iPad, they are a naughty bunch. We have become accustomed to such behavior though, we are comfortable with it.

However China would have us rise against the oppressors, an insurgency of necessity, as a rebellion, kickin’ it to the latest tunes on our AppleStoerPods.

They would sell us fake AK-47’s, counter-fit bullets and cramp inducing Chinese cuisine whilst we fight so hard to topple the capitalists we are supposed to thank.

Thank you for delivering us from the socialist, utilitarianism reign we have come to fear. Thank you for transparently being evil.

Apple we love you.

You bastards.

Yeah, I do not reckon this is my best work.
I get excited when I write about two things, Apple and China.
Both combined fueled a cyber-rant which most will show disdain for.

Posted in: Crazy, Humorous, Opinion