Lundun twenty twelve Ohlympics (c) TM

Posted on August 5, 2012


So has everyone enjoyed the Ohlympics in Lundun, so far?

I have had a spiffing time watching the world’s best athletes compete for gold medals, mankind’s best performing mankind’s silliest recreational tasks.

It has been great. However we all enjoy watching monkeys doing back flips until we realise that when said monkey is finished performing he goes into a cage and gets abused. The Ohlympics are great but there are negative points that I will probably skim, over later.

I have to be honest don’t you think a gold medal would be more valuable to say a Ethiopian marathon runner then Chris Hoy? How much food could an Ethiopian buy with a gold medal? How much of Ethiopia could an Ethiopian buy with Ethiopian money?


Lundun is responsible for manufacturing the largest medals in Ohlympic history with gold medals weighing in at 400g: 394g  of which is sterling silver and 6g is 24 karat gold plating.  At the current going rate for gold and silver, this means a gold medal in the London Olympics is worth about £400 if it was to be melted down. With £200 the value of the gold plating, and £200 the value of the silver.

Potentially it would fetch even more if private bidders wanted their own little piece of Ethiopian history…

The average annual Ethiopian income is around £69.03 circa 2004, with more than three-quarters of the population living on less than 75 pence per day. Ethiopia is one of the poorest countries in the world – it ranks 170 out of 177 countries on the 2004 Human Development Index.

£400 could go a long way for an average Ethiopian. So that’s over five years annual salary… Technically if the athlete could win a gold medal every four years he could make a comfortable living.


For flag carrier sir Chris Hoy £400 wouldn’t last very long, his bike alone costs around £20k, around 50 times more than the m,edal he is competing for. Between 09-13, Team GB’s cycling team received £26 million in funding, with Hoy receiving much of this, it is rather worrying then that Hoy was also recently caught using immoral tax reduction methods.

A figure also emerged today that in the Beijing Ohlympics 50% of medal winners were privately schooled, including Chris Hoy. In Britain around 7% of students are privately schooled so roughly 50% of the medals came from 7% of the more affluent citizens.

Naturally Britain perform better in sports that require large investment in sports gear. Canoes can cost around £20k, yachts start at around £100k and a good horse could cost up to £1m. It is unlikely many Ethiopian athletes could justify prices like this for a £400 medal.

So the Ohylmpics are open to all, for a price…

According to the government, it will cost the UK over £8bn to host the games. The construction of the stadium cost £3.3bn, and the opening games cost £23m. The war in Afghanistan has cost us nearly £30bn. To think, with the money we spent on the Ohlympics we could have crushed yet another developing nation for over a year.

Despite the fact that the games will probably bankrupt the nation (like it did Greece, with 21 out of 22 venues abandoned and desolate).


Despite the fact that private-schooled “athletes” are performing for us.

Despite the fact the British Ohlympics would be more accurately described as the English Ohlympics.

Despite all this.

I think the spectacle is priceless, the performances inspiring and the legacy encouraging.


Posted in: Feature, Satire, Sport